you must have seen her dancing in the sand

mishm757 @ 2006-11-03T04:54:00

2006-11-03T07:54:04Z

it doesn't get much better than that.

Ice-T

2006-10-22T18:06:41Z

I wanna go to his rap school. With all the 13 year olds. Hook me up with that gold mic, I'm totally ready.

one said "I'll eat your pudding with no regret..."

I feel that.

mishm757 @ 2006-10-18T11:37:00

2006-10-18T14:25:44Z

HILARIOUS.
Maybe my friends and I should just make up a list of anyone we've ever dated to save some time. We'll ship 'em one my one.
I mean, you're not really cool until you've made the roster.

mishm757 @ 2006-10-14T01:30:00

2006-10-14T04:15:44Z

serve me the sky with a big slice of lemon

mishm757 @ 2006-10-12T19:50:00

2006-10-12T19:51:29Z

wherever you are, thanks for somehow making it possible for me to still read things of yours.

mishm757 @ 2006-10-10T13:37:00

2006-10-10T17:44:50Z

It's cold in the computer lab. I have a ton of reading to do before 4:00, and I don't think I plan on doing any of it. I am returning to Lit Writing after skipping two weeks of it. My professor called me at home last week about. I guess he also wrote me about it after I missed my first class, but I don't really check my school e-mail. It said I should join the Honors program here and consider becoming a Lit major. I feel like informing him that this whole "me not going to school" thing has been my routine since the age of 12. I am waaaaay deep in skipping. It's like smoking or having lots of sex with lots of dudes. It's fucking habit.
And then I think about how I probably should start making something of myself.
And then I think about how it seems any plans I ever make fall to pieces.
And then I think about how I shouldn't sound so sorry for myself.
And then I say, "Fuck it. I am feeling sorry for myself. Why else would I have a livejournal?"
And then I say maybe it's time to grow up.
And then I think about how I don't really want to do that without you.
And then I realize I may not have a choice.
And then I decide that I've been fighting, and will keep fighting.
And then I wonder if you ever really believed I love you.
And then I think that you may not ever be able to accept it...
And then I get sad because I know you're pushing away.
And then I wonder how much longer you'll let me pull back.
And then I think about Ponchatoula (even though I've never been).

And there are just so many thoughts...and I don't even know how to begin to make sense of them all.

tales change with age

2006-10-01T18:14:05Z

This is the story she told. The jet exhaust is perfect. That's what this all about.

"Can I have another quarter?" he said.
"What?"
"Can I have another quarter?"
"Why?" she said.
"Uh...I dropped it," he said.
"Sure," she said. She handed him another quarter, and he reached out of the window there and dropped it in the toll basket. Up comes the gate and out comes Johnny's Camaro. Johnny loved his camaro...maybe more than life itself.

Oh, it was no big deal; he was just taking her to the airport. It was autumn in New York City. There was a wind a lot like this. It was springtime however, in Africa. She had been saving up her money. She was going to go on these Outward Bound trips. He was just giving her a ride to the airport, and around and around the airport they went. Through that parking garage, looking for a parking space.

"There's one," she said.
"No."
"There's one," she said.
"No." You see, actually it takes two parking spaces for Johnny's Camaro. He was a little nervous walking through the airport. He was always looking back over his shoulder.

"You can back, if you want," she said.
"No, no man, I'll stay." And he did. He stayed until the plane took off. Then he ran back.

But meanwhile, she was high up over the city. She was looking down. She was looking down at the lights and the buildings. She was looking down at the lights and the boats on the water. She was looking down at the lights...you could see them crossing the bridges and through the little canyon streets. Those little diamond towards you and rubies away. You know, those little tiny moving lights. She knew that one of them was...well...you know.

But man, I gotta tell you about the adventure she had in Africa. I think I should start with the silver bracelet. I think that's when it all turns around. She hadn't been on the trip long, and one of the guides sort of took her under his wing. She was sort of startled easy, she was a little nervous about being out there. The first time she got sunburned through her hat, she realized she was a long way from home.

She just left the group for a little while this one day. She went to take a peek, she said "I'll be right back," but she didn't come back for awhile, and this guide, this African man, went to look for her.

"LAURA! LAAUUURRAAAA!"

He found he standing on the lowest branch of a fairly tall tree way off the ground.

"How you get up there?"

Well...she had jumped.

"Why?"
"Well, there was a hyena."

And they had told her about hyenas. They have jaws that can crush bone. She wasn't in a real confident postition anyway, and she just ran, and there was the branch. She jumped. One hand slipped. The other hand held. She was NOT coming down.

"He's gone!"

So now, she trusts him and she swings back down. Both arms straight, hanging on to that branch, her feet are four feet off the ground. Man...she didn't know she could jump that high. Ahh, but she does now.

It was changes like this that made him give her that silver bracelet. It was the one that he'd always wear kind of between his elbow and his shoulder...kind of wrapped tight around his arm. It was a beautiful silver bracelet, and he bent it down a little bit to fit on her muscle there, and she smiled. So much so that it startled him. So much so that on the last day of that trip, when they were getting back on the bus to go back to the small airport to go back to the big airport to go across the ocean to go back to...you know...when they were getting back onto the bus, she leaned out the window for that last little cheesecake snapshot. And has he looked through the camera, he had to slowly take the camera down, turn his head to the side a little bit, look a little bit sad, and say,

"How you get up there?"

She was dreaming over the ocean, dreaming of being home again. Dreaming over the ocean of what would never be the same.

Well, he wasn't at the gate when got into the airport. He must have been looking for a parking space. So she just walked through the airport, and you know, it wasn't like before. Now, the airport seemed of small. The airport seemed kind of stuffy. The ceiling seemed a little bit low. And everyone was getting out of her way.

I don't know...actually, no, I do know. Maybe it's because it had been winter, you see. Well, she had just come back from summer. She was just dressed normally. Everyone else was bundled up, but she had on her hiking boots, shorts, and her tank top, hair tied back, and a knife on her belt, and a big old silver bracelet. I think it was the silver bracelet, but every body was getting out of her way.

She didn't see him until the old backpack comes rolling down the baggage claim, and suddenly, there's this arm and this voice saying,

"I'll get that."
She said, "Hey, that's my backpack! Haha give me that! Where you parked?"

So he relunctantly gave her the backpack, and she swung it over her shoulder, and they went out, carefully nestled it in the trunk. And then, out of the parking garage and into the city. She had to lean out the window...the pushed the button that made the window go down and she leaned out to feel the wind in her hair. Man, this is the wild place to be. I mean, this is the place she has to lean a little bit further out of the car just to see it all, just to look up at some of the buildings. As a matter of fact, she leaned a little bit further back so she could see could look back behind and watch those big tires rolling on that pavement.

And then suddenly, the window comes up, and she comes back in, startled. And sure enough, Johnny's got his finger on the power...the power...the power window. And he's looking at her like,

"Will you get your feet off the upholstery?!"

The upholstery! The upholstery! She forgot! How could she forget? Well, she had been in Africa...come on. She took her feet off the upholstery. In fact, she took her feet of the upholstery politely. As a matter of fact, she folded her hands in her lap, and she settled in for this ride. I saw just a glint of smile as she turned her face to one side, maybe to feel the plush upholstery brush against her cheek. Maybe to see the lights of the graphic equalizer on the stereo reflected in the side window. Maybe to watch that lone drop of water make its weary way across that perfectly waxed surface.

But I think it was just to enjoy this ride. This last ride in Johnny's Camaro.

mishm757 @ 2006-09-21T22:52:00

2006-09-22T01:39:38Z

I'm pretty sure that come Saturday, that will be Holly, Morgan, Mishm, and Shannon. AJMAN...WHERE ARE YOU?! Are you taking the picture?!

canadian tuxedos

2006-09-19T19:21:26Z

Furthermore, I am very glad to have some crazies outta my life. Even if they peaced out to other places so they can keep being their pathetic self. Whatever makes you happy, I suppose. My experience with these people have given me a greater understanding of the human mind, and a better capability of discussing Russian Literature and the innerworkings of various forms of mental illness, which makes me seem more intelligent...which I am not. But I'm fucking phenomenal and pretending. So WOOHOO. Thank you for being out of your mind and not having the depth to ever be HUMILIATED. Because I am learning so so so much.

mishm757 @ 2006-09-18T15:21:00

2006-09-18T19:25:09Z

One week before the big birthday. I have mixed feelings about it. I thought that by 21, I'd have a lot more figured out and have some huge career well on its way. I do not.

But I am certain that I have a select group of people that I love more than anything. I've probably expressed this sentiment to you.

AND. JESSE is visiting real soon. And I can't wait for all the east coasters I adore to meet one of my favorite favorite west coasters.

mishm757 @ 2006-09-13T04:15:00

2006-09-13T07:02:24Z

I have to leave home.
I may or may not need a place to stay.
I hate this.

oh I'm college bound for sure

2006-09-09T02:36:11Z

After my psych class, I drove to Norton and discussed literature by a pond while a little child fed ducks. I came home, lit some candles, dusted, and then made dinner. I made Kung Pao Noodles with zucchini, a salad with ginger dressing, and some iced mint green tea. Then, I re-lit my candles, and read Prozac Nation while listening to Antony and the Johnsons. I loved it.

But something about how pretentious that all sounded makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

mishm757 @ 2006-07-03T00:27:00

2006-07-03T03:13:44Z

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

mishm757 @ 2006-06-27T23:13:00

2006-06-28T02:00:11Z

I don't remember what reason number it was, but tonight, the moon only shone a sliver. It must be a sign.
Serve me the sky with a big slice of lemon.

mishm757 @ 2006-06-27T19:44:00

2006-06-27T22:32:52Z

Today was awful. This situation is awful. Seems like an eternity. The day was spent doing something I didn't want to do in Newport. Everything was a reminder. I was supposed to make you love summer. But instead, I made myself hate it. I don't know how to be away. Or how long this will have to last. It's felt like forever. Come back.

mishm757 @ 2006-06-27T00:10:00

2006-06-27T03:00:39Z

making these things public may be my way.
be strong. it can be done. please, I have to do what it will take to make this better. i don't know what to believe. i'm terrified. and confused. and concerned. and hurt. i can't imagine why things could ever get to where they got. i can't allow myself to believe anything other than what i've known. it hurts too much.

clinging to communication

2006-06-26T23:25:05Z

It's just like you to contest, wear it like a label on your breast. Don't you see what this takes of me? A certain callousness complies, with your charm and in your pride. A hopefull look draped in despise. I want to give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it what I need? I want to give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it within me. It's hard to explain on how I'm getting by on so little from you. It's hard to believe that I would let myself get so wrapped into you. There's gotta be something that be worthwhile for me to give to you. We need a connection, but you seem to push me far away from you. The harder you push, the further I fall. Well you don't mind me being headstrong. But you don't want to sing along. Maybe it's trite, but I can always be wrong.

I'm always assuming the worst, but you're going on nonetheless, and there's nothing to cushion your heartled fall. Letters from further away keep pulling me close to home, and there's something to cushion my callous sighs. And I know that you hope for longer goodbyes...embracing for forever and falling in your eyes. Pouring over photographs. I'm living in your letters. Breathe deeply from this envelope, it smelles like you, and I can't be without that scent. It's filling me with all you mean to me. Continually failing these trials, but you stand by me nonetheless, and you won't let me sink, though I'm begging you. Phonecalls from further away and messages on my machine, but I don't ever tell you this distance seems terrible. There's no need to test my heart with useless space...these roads go on forever, there will always be a place for in you my heart. So I'll hit the pavement, it's got to be better than waiting. And pushing you far away because I'm scared. So I'll take my chances, and head on my way up there. Because turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.

Turn around, turn to me. Maybe you're the one who is overrated. This painted town is blinding me...silver shock in its glow. Trust the moving colors, trust your random actions. This normal life is not so simple. Predatory profiling is causing me to change shape. Form your own illusions. Form of metamorphacy escaping me to keep it in. Let it all fall simple. Let the colors wash away. Trust the moving colors. Trust your random actions. This normal life is not so simple. Gate our conversation from their armored rumors...this normal life is not so simple. This time it's not your timing.

Just think of this and me as just a few of the many things to lie around and clutter up your shelves. And I wish you weren't worth the wait, 'cause there's some things I'd like to say to you. And I don't think that you know what you've been missing. And I dare you to forget those marks you left across my neck from those nights when we were both found at our best. Now, I could make this obvious and you could deny me. All in one breath, you could shrug me off your shoulders. And I don't think that you know what you've been missing. Hey lush, have fun...it's the weekend.

Duel sides twisting and colliding. You're calling off the guards. I am coming through. Adulteress commission to a spin-cycled submission. You know, sometimes it just feels better to give in. And it's all too familiar. And it happens all the time. All the cards begin to stack up, twisting heartache into fine. Little pieces that avoid an awful crime. But it's you I can't deny. Dull heat rises from the sheets. You're both the patient boy and the jealous man. But double-standardized suspicion is remedied by my blue heaven. Sometimes it just feels better to give in. It's all too familiar. And it happens all the time. All the cards begin to stack up, twisting heartache into fine. Little pieces that avoid an awful crime, but it's you I can't deny. We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing "You're safe, child, you are safe." Is this all too familiar? Does this happen all the time? I'm just asking you to hear me. Could you please, just once, just hear me? More than anything you wanted to be right. Still it's you I can't deny.

mishm757 @ 2006-06-22T19:22:00

2006-06-22T22:18:45Z

For a long time, I have complained about people hiding behind their written word. Totally confident in confronting their problems via LIVE journal, but too frightened to otherwise. I do the same thing. I am stopping. More than anything, these last eight months have been a time of self-analysis and discovery. I have realized which friends I adore as well as the ones who adore me. I have felt okay in removing the others from my life. I have fallen for someone who loves me just as much for my faults as he does for the good. I've experienced heartbreak, a miscarriage, sexual assault...love, haha my first time being high (who knew?), and tried oysters. OH. And experienced multiple orgasm. Yep.

Summer is usually met with plans of enjoying your friends, but what I've seen is the people around me all finally confronting their demons. With their fists, with their written word, with their honesty (and perhaps lack there of), or their accepting of lifestyles they may not have approved of in the past. I'm excited for myself and everyone else around me who has had the strength to face their enemies around them and the enemy within themselves.

happy summer, dollfaces.

mishm757 @ 2006-06-18T23:49:00

2006-06-19T02:38:24Z

I'm so tired of picking myself up off the ground.

I have broken my own heart. I spent so much time begging him not to push me away...only to have done the same thing. In my inability to trust someone completely (mainly myself), I have cost myself my soulmate. When you know, you know, and I knew. I should have trusted that.

to driving in the rain, hospitals, summer nights remembered with friends, and wishing them the best

2006-06-03T00:07:54Z

The absence of God will bring you comfort. And planning's for the poor, so let's pretend that we're rich. And I'm not my body or how I choose to destroy it. Folk singers sing songs for the working; we're just recreation for all those doctors and lawyers. There's no relief for the bleeding heart, 'cause they'll be losing bodies tonight. And Rob says "You love, love, love, and then you die." I've watched him while sleeping and seen him crying with closed eyes. And you're not happy, but you're funny, and I'm tripping over my joy. But I keep on getting up again. We could be daytime drunks if we wanted. We'd never get anything done that way, and we'd still be ruled by our dueling perspectives. And I'm not my perspective or the lies I'll tell you every time. And Morgan says, "Maybe love won't let you down. All your failures are training grounds, and just as your back's turned, you'll be surprised as your solitude subsides." And Mike, I'll teach you how to swim if you turn the bad in me into good again. And I say there's trouble when everything is fine. The need to destroy things creeps up on me every time. Just as my love's silhouette appears, I close my eyes and disappear tonight. And something's got to change, 'cause our love's the slowest moving train.

creatures live under booth seats

2006-03-07T16:06:47Z

I am making a promise right now to never do the psycho girl thing and say I am okay when I really am not. Girls that do this make me want to...become a boy.

I will also always support my friends and their decisions whether I agree with them or not. They are not my decisions to make. I will offer them advice on what the consequences may be and I will never pretend to be accepting if I am not. But I will never not support them. I would expect the same from my friends in return.

In other news, I am happy, overall. I told my mom about him, and she really didn't have anything negative to say about my "middle-aged boyfriend." (Oh. Thanks for that by the way. Made me feel really nice). But realisically, she couldn't without being completely hypocritcal. And she knows that. Anyway. To those who have been happy for me. Thank you. To those who have issues with it? Not your decision to make. I've made it. I'm happy with it. So there is no reason you shouldn't be happy for me. It doesn't affect you at all. Signing off and moving onwards and upwards. Mishm. Or as Dylan so lovingly calls me. Tichelle.

mishm757 @ 2006-03-06T15:47:00

2006-03-06T20:47:50Z

<td align="center"> Michelle Marchetti --
[noun]:

A lewd street performer

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

mishm757 @ 2006-03-04T09:11:00

2006-03-04T14:17:55Z

I've been nothing but nice, and I don't really deserve what you keep throwing my way. You and I are gonna talk about this, whether you like it or not. Maybe even all of us. In my trying to be fair to everyone else, I haven't been fair to myself. You'll never read this. I'm telling you anyway.

mishm757 @ 2006-02-20T18:16:00

2006-02-21T00:53:51Z

today, he took me to all of his favorite places. after going to his favorite bookstore, he took me to guitar center and played blackbird for me. he took me to newbury comics gave me ten minutes to find the cheesiest CD in the used bin (under $8) while he did the same and we exchanged them in the car. I am now the proud owner of Hits of The Partridge Family and he is owner of Air Supply's Greatest Hits. all in all, it was a perfect day.

mishm757 @ 2006-02-20T02:35:00

2006-02-20T07:40:01Z

As per usual, things start happening in February. A week earlier than usual, but I'm into that. Relationships around me seem to be coming together, falling apart, and overall just changing. I can't shake this feeling that we're all on the brink of something huge, and I don't know that I want to be around for it. Blah, and I wish I weren't so reliant on keeping things as is.

He's turning out to be far more than I expected, and I wasn't prepared for it at all. He appreciates details that I thought I was only aware of. In surroundings, people around me, myself. I find myself listening to sappy love songs, smiling at random, and not being irritated with Rhonda at work (BIG DEAL). Tomorrow morning, he has some surprise planned for me. And I deserved to be romanced.